No fucking dittos!: Archive

No fucking dittos!

January 2011

That awkward moment when you find out Leon is...

Consider this, gentlemen.

Our testicles could secretly be olives without our knowing. They could just be waiting in there, ready to be cut out and put on a pizza, and we wouldn’t have any way of finding out because we’re NOT about to cut them out for pizza-topping purposes. Your mind=blown

“If my kid was like a baboon, I’d sell it.”

It’s been scientifically proven that waving your arms at youtube in a sideways fanning motion makes your video upload faster, right?

DIGLETT'S NOSE IS SHINY

You’d have to be a Slowpoke to not understand it. Even the simplest of Mr. Mime’s can grasp the concept of a white reflection on Diglett’s nose. It’s not a tooth - it’s an animation technique.

If you reblog that post, it will post the sixth blog in your tumblelog 128 times.

Facebook vs Tumblr: Pokemon Edition

Someone I don’t know adds me on Facebook: Someone I don’t know follows me on Tumblr: Someone writes on my Facebook wall: Someone writes in my Tumblr ask box: Lose a friend on Facebook: Lose a follower on Tumblr: Error on Facebook: Error on Tumblr:

People Who Are Black: vol. 1

Mr. Eko from LOST

Things that happen to me on a daily basis: When you’re making some awesome-ass, relevant analogy that will solve all the world’s problems, but then you lose sight of what it’s an analogy for and you go off on some crazy tangent that is still awesome but no longer relevant to anything; so out of the blue you find yourself about riding an elephant over a rainbow and you’ve...

Sometimes people take it too seriously when I talk about Macs that don’t right click.

I'm really jealous of Asians.

Their entire life is like a widescreen movie.

bloodsugarbaby replied to your post:Relocated to my mom’s mac for the night. Excuse me… my mac right clicks. ~is superior Your mac is a faggot.

Relocated to my mom’s mac for the night. Excuse me while I right cli- …oh

Beauty and the Beastiality

My sister’s playing PS3, and whatever she’s doing sounds like robots having sex.

Me: Hey mom! What's for dinner?!

Mom: Nothing, son.Your father and I don't like you.

scarmory: iamnotdavidgill: floristry replied to your post: I’m going to invent pork-scented cologne. did you know topherchris wants to invent bacon flavoured lube? did you know topherchris IS A FAGGOT loljk he’s a rad bloke THAT WAS MY IDEA I POSTED THAT AGES AGO WHAT THE FUCK Ditto says: File a lawsuit!

floristry replied to your post: I’m going to invent pork-scented cologne. did you know topherchris wants to invent bacon flavoured lube? did you know topherchris IS A FAGGOT loljk he’s a rad bloke

I'm going to invent pork-scented cologne.

That way when people say “You smell like pork.” I can be all like “I KNOW RIGHT?!”

There’s only two proper ways to deal with a woman who talks back. Option a) hit her Option b) hitler The second is by far my favourite. It’s when you tie her up in the basement and slowly leak toxic gas into the room until she dies. DON’T STOP ME NOWWWW DON’T STOP ME COZ I’M HAVING A GOOD TIME HAVING A GOOD TIME

Give me 10 minutes alone with them terrorists, I’ll straighten ‘em out!

If I ever get captured by terrorists, I think I’d turn the situation around, and using careful wording and trickery, fool the terrorists into thinking I had captured them instead. Me: 2 Terrorists: 0

If I ever get captured by terrorists, I think I’ll just flop out my cock. Just to put them on the back foot. Me: 1 Terrorists: 0

They should’ve called the youtube meetup today the “stand around in the sun and get burnt to a mouldy shrivelled scrotum-resembling mess meetup” instead. You know how it went.

dickmitten asked: CAN WE PLEASE?!
they will be beautiful mexican dwarf children who do synchronised acrobat routines.

by the way I found your band on triple j unearthed. I got so excited. I'm not creepy, I swear.

How funny would it be if this whole time I was...

Directed by M. Knight Shyamalan

How funny would it be if this whole time I was...

lullabiesfortheloveless replied to your post: How I will propose to my future wife. what if she doesn’t eat cheese? LOL

How I will propose to my future wife.

A tale of the future, told by Michael Shelley It all starts on a fine day in the later days of spring. The birds outside are chirping and the air is filled with the smell of pleasantries exchanged between neighbours or acquaintances in passing. My girlfriend and I are sitting on a couch, one of extreme comfort, and enjoying a lovely marathon of our favourite show, Judge Judy. I turn to my...

I just changed my blog description, so that it actually explains what my blog is about for once. CELEBRATION GIF

discopantsareback replied to your post: -insert joke here about walking bear foot, being a… a bear and a zebra are walking through a forrest. they come up to a thistle field and are discussing how painful it would be to walk through. the zebra says to the bear, “are you sure you wanna do this with your bear feet?” IM SO FUNNY The bear looks at the zebra with a deadly serious face. He says...

-insert joke here about walking bear foot, being a play on words like bare foot but bear foot instead, maybe something about a beach and feeling the sand between your claws, you get the jist, now everyone hits like and a great pun about bears gets 1,000 notes-

I think I still see myself as a 14 year old. An awesome 14 year old, nonetheless.

Anonymous asked: What do you want to do after school finishes? For a job, I mean. Don't be a smartarse.

I hear a noise outside my window. Not sure if it’s bird, bug, or house-sized dialup internet modem.

Anonymous asked: What year are you in this year? 12?

I’m going to invent a gun that, when pointed at my own mouth, shoots delicious coffee. However, when pointed at someone else, the coffee gun becomes a FLAMETHROWER OF DEATH. ….I really want some coffee right now.

ventisette: They should make a film where Jesse Eisenberg is dating Zooey Deschanel and Michael Cera is dating Katy Perry and then half way through they all switch places and nobody notices.

gagweed asked: I KNEW IT!